[email protected] has used this page (and is using other pages) for other purposes, but this page will now be dedicated to Truth. Please take note of the capital "T". As the lead-in for the television series, "The X-Files" suggests, the Truth is out there. You just have to search for it...�

Although the inspirational website upon which this site is based went online in its original form in August of 1997, it has undergone numerous content and location changes since that time...and very likely will continue to do so. In fact, only a few hours after this incarnation of the site went online, Victoria 64's newest site disappeared again. If the reader will visit the links above, (s)he will most certainly come to a better understanding of why this is true. Until its ultimate return (either in this locale or another - or better put; "Somewhere In Time"), please consider the following from the DSM-IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), as compiled by the American Psychiatric Association and how it applies to any version of Victoria64's website(s):

A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:�

1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.�

2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

This is called "splitting." Following is a definition of splitting from the book "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me" by Jerry Kreisman, M.D.�

From page 10: "The world of a BP, like that of a child, is split into heroes and villains. A child emotionally, the BP cannot tolerate human inconsistencies and ambiguities; (s)he cannot reconcile another's good and bad qualities into a constant coherent understanding of another person. At any particular moment, one is either Good or EVIL. There is no in-between; no gray area....people are idolized one day; totally devalued and dismissed the next."

Normal people are ambivalent and can experience two contradictory states at one time; BPs shift back and forth, entirely unaware of one feeling state while in the other.�

When the idealized person finally disappoints (as we all do, sooner or later) the borderline must drastically restructure (her) one-dimensional conceptionalization. Either the idol is banished to the dungeon, or the borderline banishes (her)self in order to preserve the all-good image of the other person.�

Splitting is intended to shield the BP from a barrage of contradictory feelings and images and from the anxiety of trying to reconcile those images. But splitting often achieves the opposite effect. The frays in the BP's personality become rips, and the sense of (her) own identity and the identity of others shifts even more dramatically and frequently.

3. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

4. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.�

5. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior.�

6. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).�

7. Chronic feelings of emptiness.�

8. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).�

9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.�

Dissociation is the state in which, on some level or another, one becomes somewhat removed from "reality," whether this be daydreaming, performing actions without being fully connected to their performance ("running on automatic"), or other, more disconnected actions. It is the opposite of "association" and involves the lack of association, usually of one's identity, with the rest of the world.

The reader(s) should realize that those who suffer from BPD are not necessarily bad people, but that they sometimes do bad things. Lugubriously, these individuals are among the most difficult to treat/cure. Many are highly-functioning individuals who shroud or deny their disorder. They often do not take prescribed medications, or attend much-needed counseling sessions; opting instead to attempt to manage their own affairs. This generally leads to recurrent episodes of negative behavior and reinforcement of negative self-image.

In the future, more links will be added, substantiating communications from [email protected] herself will be reprinted (including a saved version of her ever-changing website; entered into evidence in her most recent divorce proceeding), and testimonials from some of those who have encountered / known / loved her will be made available... Until that time, all correspondence and/or comments should be directed to either Victoria64 herself, or to the Webmaster of this site:�

Please come back soon (and often) to visit this site and its resources so that you may better understand and support [email protected], and others like her, in their troubled journey through life....
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